On my initial reading of the Smackdown spoilers this week, I thought perhaps someone had sent a fake report to all of the wrestling sites on the net. There’s no way the WWE would give the Great Khali a title shot at Summerslam, I thought to myself.

Unfortunately, the spoilers weren’t fake, and The Great Khali won Smackdown’s number one contender Battle Royal. Now we’re stuck with The Great Khali in one of the top matches at the WWE’s second-biggest PPV of the year. What are the bookers smoking?

I understand that Smackdown’s marquee match at Summerslam will be Edge v. Undertaker in Hell in a Cell. That’s a great thing and a huge positive that came out of last night’s show. But it’s not enough to squash the disappointment of Triple H wrestling the Great Khali. There should be no suspense when it comes to that match–no way Trips is laying down the belt to that guy.

So that begs a simple question: why did the powers that be book this program? Are they just trying to put a warm body in there until they figure out what to do with Triple H? Did they want to feed Triple H a lame opponent to extend his title reign? Does Triple H want to look like a giant killer on a big PPV stage? I certainly don’t know the answer, and I’m not even going to try to wrap my head around the thought process here, because it’s totally mind-boggling. It’s THE GREAT KHALI. HE’S AN INSANELY TERRIBLE.

I do know one thing, though: we’re all going to be subjected to sitting through a crappy Great Khali match at Summerslam. Let’s just hope they get it out of the way early in the show, because Summerslam has always been right up there with Wrestlemania for me, so I don’t want it ruined by the “Punjabi Nightmare.”

In Japan, wrestling is a sport.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJH1TMpePR4&rel=1&border=0">

In Mexico, wrestling is a religion.

In Canada, wrestling is a tradition.

In America, wrestling is a joke.

The WWE has already released info on Cyber Sunday’s main events and stipulations. The RAW main event will be Randy Orton(c) vs. Triple H no surprise here. We will be able to vote whether the match will be Hell in the Cell, a No DQ match, or a Falls Count Anywhere, I think we all know what’s gonna win out in this one. The SmackDown main event will be a Four Way match featuring Batista(c) vs. Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Great Khali we will be able to vote on WWE.com on who will be the guest referee. The choices are JBL, Mick Foley, or Steve Austin once again we all know Austin gonna win but personally I wanna see JBL.

Also as Colin Classic pointed out in the “No Mercy” discussion if you go to WWE.com all the way at the bottom of the page underneath the corporate info link the is a link named “Save_us.222 | Savior_self” witch links to a Y2J video. I was unable to confirm this for sure because the browser I’m currently using doesn’t support embedded Windows Media but I’ll take his word for it.

-sideshowRaheem

Oh my god, this story is totally true! (crosses fingers)

On the 16th of July, a 5,104,223-CAR PILEUP KILLED THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF DALLAS, TEXAS, and FORT WORTH, TEXAS!!! LEX, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: I just lied as filler for my return to posting on the blog. Lex is very much alive, and I got this headline from The Onion tabloid website/”newspaper”. I thought it would be humorous because Lex is still alive, and he lives in Texas. Honestly, this lie was so intriguing it made me subscribe via e-mail:P

But something still applies to this post title, and SmackDown! should pay attention to this picture below:

This is the WWE’s version of the “Madden Curse”, as Louie Dee puts it, with every recent owner of the World Heavyweight Title being injured and immediately replaced with someone else in the form of a clusterfu*k battle royal, or a gimmick match we know the end result of 3 days in advance because it’s taped in the first place… This is getting sad. Sad… yet unavoidable? The only solution it seems is to retire the accursed belt, imported from the now dead WCW, and introduce their new crown jewel in the form of a redesigned belt. I guess the ashes of WCW still plague the gold with failure like the WWF Attitude Era plagues the U.S. title with success to it’s wearer. They could go E.T. on us, and just bury the belt in a landfill in California. Hell, just give it to the worst superstars whose contracts are up for renewal, and eliminate them while you have a chance (i.e., Viscera). (By the way, does anyone else think Big Daddy V is Vis’s brother or something? Last night, I confused V for Vis (slight cough because of bad pun)…)
Whew, all this curse talk caused me to look for signs on SvR cases:

(2nd) WWE SmackDown! vs. RAW: Vincent Kennedy McMahon, currently hated by the members of the IWC for fake death stunt.

(3rd) WWE SmackDown! vs. RAW 2006: Batista and John Cena, both champions, both presently hated by IWC members.

(Winner) WWE SmackDown! vs. RAW 2007: Triple H, Rey Mysterio, Batista, John Cena, and Torrie Wilson, 2 injured.

So in conclusion, be careful, members of SmackDown! As you roam the hills of mediocrity, do not find yourself in the middle of even the slightest title push ,or you will end up like the poor souls above…

Signed,
MDP

“The Next Generation of PWB.”

Now I would like to know what the PWB community thought about is. If you could only have one of the four people on the WWE roster who would it be and why? Here is the reason for the question, I hear people bashing all of them hell I do it myself sometimes. But the one I could put up with is Santino Marella because I think maybe in a few years he has the possibly to be a star. He does have some wrestling skills a little talent on the mic. Which more I can say about Khali. And Lashley has the wrestling skills and no mic skills and Batista is all mic.

one-night stand - noun

1. a single performance in one locale, as by a touring theatrical company, before moving on to the next engagement.
2. (slang) a one-night sex partner; sexual intercourse with a one-night partner
3. ANOTHER BLOODY PAY PER VIEW

Yes, it’s another WWE pay per view, just 2 weeks after Judgment Day (and one night after Saturday Night’s Main Event, for that matter, although to be fair that wasn’t a PPV.) One could call this Judgment Day Part II, Revenge of the Heels (or something), with the amount of rematches we have on this card. There’s 2 one-on-one rematches, which doesn’t include Vincent Kennedy McMahon vs Bobby Lindsey (Judgment Day: Vincent, Shane and Umaga vs Lindsey), and the Six-Man Tag Team Tables Match (JD: CM Punk vs Elijah Burke).

OK, so there is a few new matches, but certainly not many good ones. Kane vs Mark Henry in a Lumberjack Match? That doesn’t even make any sense - almost all of the lumberjacks will be smaller than the competitors. That’s not very threatening! Rob Van Overacting vs Another Headlock Randy in a Stretcher match? Orton’s going to chin-lock RVD to sleep and then slowly lower him onto the stretcher! Melina vs Candice in a PUDDING MATCH?!? THAT IS NOT EXTREME, VINCE! EXTREME!!!! EC-DUB IS EXTREME!!!11! Oh, but some people will say, “But Max, Candice has been improving lately and now she’s one of the best women wrestlers!” That’s like saying I have syphillis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases.

Sure, then you’ve got the Ladder Match between the Hardys and the World’s Greatest Tag Team. If you read this blog often, you’ll know my thoughts on this match already. I very much like it, although it could have been better. This is irrelevant though, onto the matches.

Kane vs Mark Henry
Lumberjack Match

I couldn’t be less looking forward to this. This match was created because on Smackdown, these two guys had a horrible match which ended with a bear hug on the floor which forced Kane to be counted out. Yes, you read that correctly. My god, it even sounds horrible. So then new assistant General Manager Vickie Guerrero (ewwwwwwwwww) made this match for One Night Stand. If it’s possible to hate her even more, I do now.

Picking a winner… I dunno. The World’s Sweatiest Man got the upper hand on Smackdown, so…

Here is your winner, THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE MY GAWD ITS KANE

Rob Van Dam vs Randy Orton
Stretcher Match

This came about after some crap on WWE.com where RVD didn’t like what Orton did to HBK, so Orton requested a match, and then he beat him up, and then Van Dam oversold the RKO, and so on until we got to here. I expect this match to be full of headlocks (Orton) and botches (RVD). Great, just great. I would pick RVD to win, but he’s on the outs with the WWE. I would pick Orton to win, but he is too, along with the fact that he had the upper hand on WWE TV this week. I dunno, I’ll just guess…

Here is your winner, Another Headlock Randy?

CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer and the Sandman vs the New Breed (Elijah Burke, Matt Striker and Marcus Cor Von)
Six-Man Tag Team Tables Match

This has a possibility of being good. Remember some of the hardcore matches that have been on ECW recently? (The four-way dance, New Breed vs Originals to name the ones I mean.) This could end up something like this. Now, I’m not sure how exactly this will work. Does every man need to go through a table, or just one? I’m hoping all three, otherwise this might get cut short for that all-important pudding match. Eugh. Anyways, this is a bit of a difficult decision too. The heels need to win something on this PPV to balance it out, and Jobby Dreamer is on the other team. But, I don’t see Punk losing. I’m torn. Hmm…

Here is your winner, the team with the logo that looks like some sort of shaving logo, AKA the New Breed

The Hardys (Matt and Jeff) vs the World’s Greatest Tag Team (Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas)
Ladder Match
World Tag Team Championship

Well, this one’s an easy pick. This’ll probably be one of the best matches on the card, simply because the rest of the card isn’t very good. Also, the fact that we’ve got Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy (botches and all) and Shelton Benjamin running around using ladders. And Charlie Haas isn’t that bad either. (I was probably a bit mean to him in my last post.) Of course, the WGTT isn’t going to win, that wouldn’t make any sense. The Hardys’ll win this… although, I just thought of something. Cade and Murdoch looked pissed after realising they weren’t getting the title shot at One Night Stand. Maybe they’ll interfere and give the WGTT the win…

Nah.

Here is your winner, (insert teenage girls screaming)

Melina vs Candice Michelle
Pudding Match

Three burning questions for this match:

1) How is a Pudding Match classified as, ‘Extreme Rules’?
2) In which alternate universe is Melina classified as attractive?
3) How bad is this going to be?

I mean, really? These two aren’t the worst women wrestlers the WWE has, I admit. Mickie, Victoria and maybe a few others are better, but Melina is alright and Candice is improving (although you already know I compared her to a STD before. And not the wrestling move.) But two women prone to botches in a puddle of pudding (nice alliteration, self) isn’t going to be very entertaining. Wrestling-wise, at least. Still, we need a winner. Uhh… heck, they’re pushing Candice to the moon… oh, wait, this is non-title. I didn’t realise that. Yeah, now she’s definitely winning.

Here is your winner, WOOOO GO DADDY YEAH WOO [/king]

Edge vs Batista
Steel Cage Match
World Heavyweight Championship

It’s already been said a bazilliontrillionquadrillionmillionalotof times, but:

a) WHY IS BATISTA GETTING ANOTHER REMATCH, and
b) WHY IS SMACKDOWN PUTTING ON ANOTHER STEEL CAGE MATCH

Stupid Teddy Long. Look - Edge has been promised a long title run by the WWE, and Batista sucks, so…

Here is your winner, and STILL World Heavyweight Champion, ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY

Mr. McMahon vs Bobby Lashley
Street Fight
ECW Championship

I love the fact that because Vincent loves Lindsey (and himself), the ECW title is being made more important than the World Heavyweight Title. It’s above that match on the One Night Stand site, anyways, I don’t know if it’s more important. It’s certainly not more prestigious - the belt Lex wears to work every day would be more prestigious than the ECW title at this point. OK, the match. Obviously, Lindsey’s going to win. Vince has held the title for too long and he loves Lindsey too much to keep it off him for t
wo months.

Here is your winner, and NEW ECW Tampion (as he would say), Bobby Lindsey

John Cena vs the Great Khali
Pinfalls Count Anywhere
WWE Championship

Note the wording there: pinfalls count anywhere. None of that best submission move ever, the STFU, this time. I’d just like to bring to your attention the poll on the front page of the One Night Stand site:

Did John Cena make a mistake accepting a Pinfalls Count Anywhere Match with the Great Khali?

Yes. The Great Khali has repeatedly manhandled him and has never been pinned. 46.05%
No. The Champ will overcome the odds as always. 53.94%

I just find this amusing in so many ways. “The Champ.” “Overcome the odds as always.” Oh, WWE, you crack me up. But the results show that the fans aren’t stupid. We know Cena never loses. He ALWAYS overcomes the odds. I believe that the only way to defeat Cena would be to team him up with someone like Bobby Lashley who also always overcomes the odds and put him against someone like Val Venis, or Eugene. Then there’s no odds to overcome. This happened on Raw when Cenashley faced Shane-O-Mac and the two non-English speaking and thus heels. So, as we know, as always (sigh)…

Here is your winner, and STILL WWE Champion, RAPAADDDOOOOOOOOOO

Khali’s foot was under the ropes when he tapped out. He be protestin’.

Also, tonight, we get to see Candice v. Melina in a non-title match. By the way, Melina is looking quite skanky as of lately. Her hair is terrible. Seriously, girrrlllfriend!

Oh yeah. Ric Flair and Carlito are wrestling again. Last night’s match was good, but do we really need another one? I’m betting on a big-time steel folding chair beatdown from Carlito.

Finally…I know you guys have been waiting for this. Timbaland’s music video, featuring the WWE Divas, will premiere tonight on Raw. Hopefully he’ll be there himself, and he’ll be high like he was last time he was on TV. Seriously. He had to be high. Just like I am on benadryl. I’m going to go pass out now.